So many thoughts, so little time...

So many thoughts, so little time.

Walking away has been more freeing than ever imagined. Starting to realize how I blindly accepted things without question. How I let religion keep me down. You are supposed to be free but yet you spend a lifetime in bondage to mans rules in the name of a god. A god that in the old testament ordered the murder of whole groups of people, even innocent children (Joshua 6:21, 1 Samuel 15:3, Deuteronomy 2:33-34 and many more)and many more atrocities but yet he is a god of love.

Even today the world is so divided. You go one part of the world there are children begging god as they understand him for just a bite to eat, for a bed to sleep on, for someone to love them. But yet today in America you hear people say god has blessed me, I got a new house, or a new car, or a better job. Why is your god blessing you with your wants yet thousands who cry out to him die every day and yet you say he is not a respecter of persons. Either he can not or will not fix this world and all its troubles yet wants us to think hes got this perfect world waiting for those who walk the line.

Even those that claim to follow god fight over whats right. And if you do not believe like them you are damned to hell. So much of what you find in Christianity today is so far from what their bible teaches.

Don't be afraid to question. Take a step back and look at the whole picture.

Have a great day

Trica

From the shadows...

From the shadows...

Hiding in the shadows,
watching people walk by
Do they know inside I am dying,
Do they even care

Afraid to open up and risk more pain
I go deeper in the shadows
Hoping to not be seen
wandering all around

Could things ever be different,
or always remain the same
If God is really there,
Then why all this pain.

Why so many unanswered prayers,
Unheard weeping and tears.
Could it be that heavens merely a dream
A desire to escape from this reality.

God if You are really there,
If you really care
Release me from all this pain
Help me to live again.

Tricia

Thoughts

Why is it getting so hard to just simply believe. Is it so horrible to question God? So many people today claim to serve a loving God but they show anything but love. If it don't benefit them, they could care less. They use you then throw you out.

People hate and use religion to justify it. If you are not like them then you are evil and they hate but yet they say God loves all.... What gives???

Even the more I study and read the Bible, the less things make sense to me. God of the old testament, wanted whole cities destroyed even women and children, even the infants. What did the infants do? Just because they were born to the wrong nations or tribes? Is that a loving God. Is that the same God that in the New testament says suffer the children to come unto me? The same God that says hes not a respecter of persons?. The more I read and study, the less things are making sense

Where was God?

Where was God?

When a young boy in Africa lays by his dying moms side begging God not to take his mom?

When a young girl in Thailand is kidnapped to be sold into prostitution?

When a mom in Iraq sits and weeps at the ashes of her bombed out house knowing hr kids were inside?

When that little baby here in America is shaken to death by an angry mom because he cried too much?

When a mom in Alabama pleads to God for her child to be found safe only to have him found under a pile of rubble dead in the tornadoes aftermath?

Where is God?

The enemy within

The enemy within

Many people pray save me from the devil and forces around, but the greatest force against me has been the enemy within. Myself, My thoughts, my desires have been stumbling block after stumbling block. I destroy myself faster than any devil could.

I even had a friend tell me last year they thought I was doing nothing but playing games spiritually. I have never took this as a game. But at the same time I can’t understand what I am doing so wrong that I can’t get things right. What scares me the most I am losing my faith. I want to fight but what am I now fighting for. Is it so wrong to just want to be normal In a spiritual sense. I just so much want to be able to help others but I got to be able to help myself first.

I know these just sounds like rambling but I am tired of feeling like a spiritual failure. I feel so alone and wanting off this roller coaster but can’t do it alone. God if you are there and can hear me, I nee help

The journeys over

I am done feeling like I will never be good enough

I am done feeling like I am a horrible person because of what lies within

Going to bed crying because I’m torn within

It’s time for all this to end

I have tried and tried but to no avail, To hold on when I have felt inside there was nothing left to hold on to. Why has my searching only left me wondering if God is truly there? Have I done all this in vain? Have I wasted a good part of my life going after something that’s not even there? I have fought to hold on, but what am I really holding on to?

Why is it that all that I get out of church and religion is feeling like I am not good enough and will never be good enough? I never will be what people think should be. I am tired of trying. Tired of lying to myself and others thinking things will change.

All this has done is led me to doubt God. There can be no more pretending and just hoping for things that will never be. I have a son that needs me to be the best mom I can. How can I be a good mom and feel like crap about myself?

I love everyone and hope I don’t loose friends because of this but I just can’t do it anymore.