The journeys over

I am done feeling like I will never be good enough

I am done feeling like I am a horrible person because of what lies within

Going to bed crying because I’m torn within

It’s time for all this to end

I have tried and tried but to no avail, To hold on when I have felt inside there was nothing left to hold on to. Why has my searching only left me wondering if God is truly there? Have I done all this in vain? Have I wasted a good part of my life going after something that’s not even there? I have fought to hold on, but what am I really holding on to?

Why is it that all that I get out of church and religion is feeling like I am not good enough and will never be good enough? I never will be what people think should be. I am tired of trying. Tired of lying to myself and others thinking things will change.

All this has done is led me to doubt God. There can be no more pretending and just hoping for things that will never be. I have a son that needs me to be the best mom I can. How can I be a good mom and feel like crap about myself?

I love everyone and hope I don’t loose friends because of this but I just can’t do it anymore.