Where was God?

Where was God?

When a young boy in Africa lays by his dying moms side begging God not to take his mom?

When a young girl in Thailand is kidnapped to be sold into prostitution?

When a mom in Iraq sits and weeps at the ashes of her bombed out house knowing hr kids were inside?

When that little baby here in America is shaken to death by an angry mom because he cried too much?

When a mom in Alabama pleads to God for her child to be found safe only to have him found under a pile of rubble dead in the tornadoes aftermath?

Where is God?

The enemy within

The enemy within

Many people pray save me from the devil and forces around, but the greatest force against me has been the enemy within. Myself, My thoughts, my desires have been stumbling block after stumbling block. I destroy myself faster than any devil could.

I even had a friend tell me last year they thought I was doing nothing but playing games spiritually. I have never took this as a game. But at the same time I can’t understand what I am doing so wrong that I can’t get things right. What scares me the most I am losing my faith. I want to fight but what am I now fighting for. Is it so wrong to just want to be normal In a spiritual sense. I just so much want to be able to help others but I got to be able to help myself first.

I know these just sounds like rambling but I am tired of feeling like a spiritual failure. I feel so alone and wanting off this roller coaster but can’t do it alone. God if you are there and can hear me, I nee help

The journeys over

I am done feeling like I will never be good enough

I am done feeling like I am a horrible person because of what lies within

Going to bed crying because I’m torn within

It’s time for all this to end

I have tried and tried but to no avail, To hold on when I have felt inside there was nothing left to hold on to. Why has my searching only left me wondering if God is truly there? Have I done all this in vain? Have I wasted a good part of my life going after something that’s not even there? I have fought to hold on, but what am I really holding on to?

Why is it that all that I get out of church and religion is feeling like I am not good enough and will never be good enough? I never will be what people think should be. I am tired of trying. Tired of lying to myself and others thinking things will change.

All this has done is led me to doubt God. There can be no more pretending and just hoping for things that will never be. I have a son that needs me to be the best mom I can. How can I be a good mom and feel like crap about myself?

I love everyone and hope I don’t loose friends because of this but I just can’t do it anymore.